


Auto Insurance for Magical Girls

by StarlightSystem



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate universe where everything is fine, Crack, Ficlet, Gen, I wrote this instead of recovering from a fever, Not Beta Read, Pretty OOC because it's been 3 years since I've seen PMMM, Rebellion doesn't exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 04:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20687453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightSystem/pseuds/StarlightSystem
Summary: Homura buys car insurance, and then has to buy a car because what is she going to do with car insurance if she doesn't have a car?





	Auto Insurance for Magical Girls

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, this is what I do. I get sick, I develop a fever, and I half-write really strange PMMM fic. Except this one I actually finished.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” Mami said, shaking her head. “You’re gonna have to run that one by me again.”

Homura groaned and slumped back on the couch, letting her head droop behind it. “You heard me. I bought car insurance.”

“You bought _car insurance_.”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t have a car,” she replied, as if that wasn’t already the most obvious thing in the world.

Homura sat upright. “Well, that’s where you’d be wrong, because I do.”

Mami looked at her pointedly. “Since when do you have a car?”

“Since I bought car insurance and realized that it would be useless if I didn’t also have a car.”

Mami facepalmed. “Why did you buy car insurance in the first place?”

“Yknow, out of all of us, I thought you would be the least judgmental. I could’ve gone to Sayaka about this but _no_, I immediately thought, wow, Mami probably wouldn’t judge me that hard for buying car insurance without already owning a car.”

“Why would you think that? Is your soul gem getting dark? If you didn’t want to get judged, you should’ve gone to Madoka!”

Homura jumped up. “Madoka’s still in Australia helping refugees across the border, and you know it!”

“Ugh, fine.” Mami dropped into a seated position in a chair made out of magical ribbons. “Here’s my non-judgmental voice. Why did you buy car insurance in the first place?”

“They were _really_ persuasive. They had great deals for puella magi and I just couldn’t say no!”

“Yeah, because they know that puella magi have excellent stamina and thus no need for cars!”

Homura pouted. “There’s the judgmental voice again. How long did you last -- eight seconds?”

“Alright, alright. I’m understanding, I’m calm.” She put on a babyish voice. “Poor Homey, getting wipped off by a mean car insurance sawesperson.”

Homura glared at her. “It’s _fine_ because now I own a car as well, so the insurance isn’t going to waste _and_ I look even more epic than I did before!” She added in a whisper, “also now I’ve got something to drive Madoka to prom with.”

Mami stared at her for a minute, and started laughing hysterically. “Oh, you’ve got it bad.”

“Oh yeah? Who are you going to prom with? Your own disembodied head?”

Mami stopped laughing, and glared at her. “That doesn’t happen in this timeline and you know it.”

Homura smirked. “Yeah, but I’ve seen many timelines where it has happened, and trust me, decapitated Mami at prom is _awwwwwkward!_”

“There’s not a single chance that any of us made it to prom in the timelines where Walpurgisnacht killed everyone!”

Homura rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Which is exactly what makes it so awkward.”

“Whatever. How did you even afford a car in the first place?”

“Please. Do you even know how many times I’ve lived this same month over and over again? It’s so easy to just steal the same money from someone every time, carry it over into the next iteration, and not suffer any consequences. I’m literally flush with cash.”

Mami gaped at her so hard that she almost dissolved her puella magi form and fell to the ground. “You really thought to do that even while stressing out constantly over Madoka dying repeatedly?”

Homura did that majestic hair flip that was guaranteed to get every lesbian in a 50 mile radius screaming. “What can I say? I’m just smooth that way.”

“Yeah, smooth enough to get conned into buying car insurance you don’t need.”

Homura narrowed her eyes. “I wouldn’t laugh, if I were you. For all you know, me buying car insurance is the _reason_ that Walpurgisnacht didn’t kill everyone in this timeline.”

Mami grinned. “No, I’m pretty sure that was because Madoka wished that something funny would happen every time a magical girl’s soul gem got too dark, and they’d be so amused that they wouldn’t end up falling to despair.”

“Oh yeah?” Homura eyed Mami’s soul gem. “Looks like my car insurance shenaniganry saved you just in time, then.”

Mami’s jaw dropped. She looked grabbed her gem and peered into it -- sure enough, the darkness that had been building up in it was mostly gone at this point. “What the -- but I -- and you -- and Madoka -- and I _what_???”

Homura chortled as her friend gibbered. “Happy to help, old chum.” She pressed a button on a key fob, and there was a distant beep. A car suddenly burst through the wall, making Mami jump in surprise. Homura did a backflip over the front of it and landed gracefully in the front seat, just as a pair of sunglasses fell out of the sky and settled on her head.

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” she said, over Mami’s increasingly loud stammering, “I’ve got to see if this baby can reach speeds great enough to jump over oceans. Madoka is gonna go nuts when she sees this!”


End file.
